Tony Bennett may have left his in San Francisco, but yesterday, I left my heart in a Kindergarten class, with a beautiful blond. I packed her lunch in her monogrammed lunch box, attached it to her also monogrammed book bag, and left her in the care of a fun loving teacher who seemed to be more into the characters of Winnie the Pooh than Jack Mitchell. And that is saying a lot.
The world of a stay at home mom is hard. Don't let the Bon Bon jokes fool you. The only Bon Bons that we are consuming, if any, are to keep the sanity between wiping dirty rears and refereeing between sibling wars. They are rarely eaten while watching Soaps and sipping on ice tea. (Or in my case, I prefer the News and world events).
So as I have observed, many a Mom seems to find themselves upon this first day of Kindergarten with a bit of a sense of shock. Shock that it came so soon, shock of the emotional distress of a "baby" growing up, and shock that the last 5 years went so incredibly fast.
We have been in the trenches, sometimes unable to look out and see past the current meal that we are preparing; past the missed nap schedule, and past the embarrassing grocery trip that we just endured. Then, as soon as they become somewhat refined members of society, able to tie a shoe and maintain manners during an entire meal, they are off on a bus, on their way to a life of learning, and away from us.
No, I'm not naive to believe that this transition is harder than graduation, college, or that walk down the isle. But it is in the sense that it is the first in a series of milestones. Milestones that only lead to the larger ones that will only lead to my heart being broken again. And that is why it hurts. That is why I put her on the bus this morning and preceded it by a long crying walk back to the house. And that is why I may have consumed more cake than usual for lunch today. Because if I can't have my heart in tact, at least I can have a treat.
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