Purgatory

I'm not getting into a theological discussion, but it is fun to throw in a "shocker" heading for all of my Evangelical friends, and a familiar one for those Catholic followers.  So everyone can relax, and continue reading... this blog is about the Mitchell family, not intense debates (although I do like those also).

My "purgatory" if you will allow me to borrow the term, is found on Route 30, the East/ West highway, or as we better know it, the route from here, to Columbus.  And as I was once again making the drive today, I was finally able to label the odd feeling that I have every time that we make that drive.  Which is often monthly, sometimes multiple times per month.  So much so that I feel as though I am neighbors with the farmers along the route, and the horses could recognize my white van by plate number. 

Living three hours from where both Kevin and I had most or all of our childhood, up until we left for college together is a blessing, and a curse.  Such a blessing in that whenever we miss or want to see family, we can hop on the road for a few short hours, save on plane costs, and be there.  A curse in that we never can quite say which home is actually, "Home."  It's an odd sense of living in the in-between.  Belonging to one, yet having most of our history in another.  Desperately wanting to make the new feel familiar, while never quite shaking the memories of how much the past means to us, or the people who make it so special.

It is here, along Highway 30, that I transition my roles;  I slowly become more of the me who is a daughter, sister, or daughter-in-law, while becoming less the outgoing host of new friends, new churches, new doctors, and new neighbors.  It is somewhat of a waiting stage.  A renewal of personality in both directions, depending on whether I am driving East, or West.   And, as some believe of Purgatory, it is a period of suffering.  A mourning in the realization that in either of my homes, the sense of true belonging doesn't exist.  Some days I feel more familiar with one over the other, and other days I feel as if a stranger in both.

Deep thoughts for a blog, I know.  But because this drive has been happening now for over 3 years, it was a relief to finally be able to put it into words.  They are simple growing pains, sure.  Yet they are also a great reminder of 1 Corinthians 13:12, "For  now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 

My true home isn't at either ends of Route 30.  And it's encouraging to realize that my unfamiliar feelings in both places is God's way of reminding me that in the end, home rests with Him.  We all want that "Cheers" setting.  And it will come, just maybe not right now, or right here.  But some day we will completely belong.  And we won't have to drive past smelly cows to get there.  So I've found my "purgatory" here on earth.  Whether it exists or not after we pass is up for debate.  But not on this blog.  For now I will continue to do my drive, think through my thoughts, and work through the growing pains that inevitably come, no matter where home is.